Gym Newbie Gifts

Fitness centre has man exhausted from filling in application form.

"So, let's see what your fitness band says today."

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

'I decided it was time to be more active when my wife started dusting me twice a week.'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"Gym for regular people" "No intimidating trainers!" "Lo-tech" "Less is more!" "Not plastic" "Fluffy and scented" "No mirrors" "Full service restaurant"

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

'The fat loss pills don't work if you eat 845 of them a day!'

Billy strip: dad's exercise won't last.

'I'm no good at push ups.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

These trainers are rubbish...I've had them for three weeks and I'm still fat and unfit!

"This fitness app predicts pulled muscles and a lot of crying. I'm assuming it's you it's referring to."

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

"This feels like an accomplishment."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"We're exclusively delts."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

Exercising

"And then on ab day they roll on their backs, flail, and mimic us in the throes of death."

'We're looking for athletic people.'

Carrot in front of the donkey workout.

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

"I appreciate the support. It feels good to finally get that off my chest."

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

Exercise Bars

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."