Novel Novice Gifts

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"First time pruning?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Today we learned to count to one.

Babies vs. Dogs

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

"Triple whammy."

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

"Tonight, Daddy's going to teach you how to stay save on the internet."

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

Bad Violinist.

'Hank, I know you're new at turkey hunting, but that isn't the way you call turkeys.'

STRIP Hambone: Training wheels on a computer

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

Napkin Writer

'Let's face it,Edgar.you and mother nature don't have anything in common.'

"Well, if you'd married a dentist like I wanted, maybe HE could explain Bluetooth to me!"

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

If I learn how to write Roman Numerals, will that help me write computer code?

'Where do you plug it in?'

'There's nothing wrong with your cognitive abilities. All investors have short memories.'

"Earbuds are tiny headphones."