Number Novice Gifts

Today we learned to count to one.

IRS: File Tax Returns Here At Your Own Risk

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

The Life of Pi

"First time pruning?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

Gloat

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Staff Yearbook

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Warning: Math Ahead!

"Mine's bigger than yours."

1. 0. 5. 6. He'd be nothing without her. (Published originally on June 11, 2008.)

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

Reign Man