Numeracy Novice Gifts

'No wonder I'm failing math. I'm just no good with numbers. Even when I dialed the math homework helpline, I got the wrong number.'

"First time pruning?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Today we learned to count to one.

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"Admit it, you're lost!"

'Is that why our games of hide and seek are over so quickly?'

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"Triple whammy."

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

'Today, in kindergarten, we learned how to count to one.'

'I'm sorry Jimmy, but the results of your tests show that you're not allergic to vegetables.'

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

"It's bad enough my kids know more about computers than me, but I'm not taking this from YOU!"

'Hey, this is nice! You should see my starter cave!'

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

'Let's face it,Edgar.you and mother nature don't have anything in common.'

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

If I learn how to write Roman Numerals, will that help me write computer code?

'There's nothing wrong with your cognitive abilities. All investors have short memories.'

'He just learned to count last week and last night he invented 69'

Tom Prepares for his Hot Date.

"Yes, but it's naturally toxic."

'I was doing okay in the stock market until I started investing too heavily in liquid assets!'