Newborn Novice Gifts

"Triple whammy."

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Skiing.

"First time pruning?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Today we learned to count to one.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Babies vs. Dogs

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

Batman's Baby

"They look so young and helpless."

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"It's a good boy!"

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Mime Baby

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Maternity tattoos

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

Covid Babies