Newborn Novice T-Shirts

"Triple whammy."

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Skiing.

"First time pruning?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Today we learned to count to one.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

Babies vs. Dogs

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"They look so young and helpless."

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Mime Baby

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"No, they didn't live happily ever after, but they fared pretty well relative to every other miserable slop in the Dark Ages."

Maternity tattoos

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

Birth of a superhero

"What's my collar size?"

Kate realised that having a child with a really tall father did have its advantages.