Dating Novice Gifts

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Alas but only a few people master the perfect pick up line

Tom Prepares for his Hot Date.

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

Today we learned to count to one.

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Shiver-me-timbers, wench! How many times have I got to tell you? I'm not winking at you!"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

"What's my collar size?"

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

"We pointed, but we never clicked."