Dating Novices Gifts

'Not only won't she go out with me, she turned me down with a form letter.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Shiver-me-timbers, wench! How many times have I got to tell you? I'm not winking at you!"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Tasty.

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"