Dating Novices Pillows

'Not only won't she go out with me, she turned me down with a form letter.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Shiver-me-timbers, wench! How many times have I got to tell you? I'm not winking at you!"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

Tasty.

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

"Smiley, where will we be in 10 years?"

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."