Market Rookie Gifts

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Why markets crash.

'Perfect. Do you deliver?'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Jumping Wall Street.

Einstein's Theory of Relativity For Dummies

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

The United States' economy deflating.

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

"Market euphoria is at an all time high."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

"I recommend you invest in oil. Prices are down now, but auto leaks are up."

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

Have you seen my money?

Wall Street Investing.

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Fresh eggs!'

'I'm home, Honey! Come see what I picked up at the Farmers Market!'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

"It's the closest I get to being a hunter-gatherer."

High end of the market...

"I'm getting a little itchy to redo the bedroom!"

"Find out if this is a market glitch or just the computer acting up!"

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

Charging to a 10,000 Dow?

'This fortune cookie says, 'You will have good luck investing in emerging markets, fortune cookie & Chopstick Trading Company of Singapore.''

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

"Welcome shareholders to the annual report - let us pray."