Office Rookie Gifts

In-Tray, Out-Tray and Lost.

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Where your mind & battle are los

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"My email is down... talk to me."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Staff support"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."