On-the-road Rookie Gifts

'Which side would you like me to drive on today?'

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

'First of all, relax.'

Einstein's Theory of Relativity For Dummies

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

'Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs!'

'How am I doing?'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

yesterday i brought my son this magic set and...

Hitching a lift

In-Tray, Out-Tray and Lost.

"So...have you ever kissed a girl before?"

'There are only two things stopping you from being a good dancer, Mr. Jones. Your feet!'

'Yes, this is my first time at speed dating. Is it that obvious?'

New Attorney.

"Hey, not bad! You sound like a real couple already!"

'I am never going to fill out a prom dress.'

"I'll kiss you later. Catch! I meant catch you later!"

'They've got $5 tables everywhere here. Where do you feel the luckiest?'

'I'm ready for my first lesson - how do i start it?'

Stop looking at me! Whatcha doing? Practicing my part in the spring play. But it's just a walk-on. Exactly! Some actors just talk the talk. I get to walk the walk.

"He's quick with the birds and the bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears. . ."

Driving school car has sign on the rear; 'How's my learning?'

'Hike the Alps? I'm getting out of breath just keeping my foot on the accelerator!'

'It's just natures' way of telling you you're a lousy driver!'

"Not only do we not know how to turn it off, we also don't know how to dispose of it when it burns out."

'Son, you just got your first credit card and you're going on a date. My advice: keep it in your pants.'

Well, maybe you can find a do-it-yourself Youtube video showing a husband taking the clothes to the laundromat.

'This is too complicated. I think I'll just hold on to my waste and hope it eventually disintegrates.'

"Are we there yet?"

"Look lady, try and get it straight. It's tin cans, glass bottles or newspapers!"

'Thank goodness for salt and pepper.'

"So...how'd you like your first kiss?"

"Baldo, a young man like you might have a lot of questions...about feelings, emotions...not knowing what is right and wrong. Remember, mi'jo...I'm here if you need me."