Stock Market Geek Gifts

"There's a lot of volatility in the market right now. It's a really exciting time to be in graphs."

'Last night Warren Buffett came to me in a dream and whispered in my ear, but it was just sexual.'

'Oh, I can tell they had to be very smart burglars, officer. They took everything except George's stock certificates.'

'Today the market roared back on news that greed is good for an ailing economy.'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"I paint what I like."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Will work for ETFs

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

The Shrinking Dollar.

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"... And to our friends in the Liberal Democratic party I award thirty pieces of silver."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

Slipping and sliding down the slope...

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'