Stock Market Genius Gifts

'I can't understand why nobody ever goes wit my investment ideas.'

You can make a quick profit on that one, if you don't mind holding it for a couple of years

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

What happens when the bears are running the market.