Stock Market Whiz Gifts

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'Margaret, call the broker!'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'You should have come to me sooner.'

"Video game? No, I'm using the raise in my allowance to buy back stock."

"I learned about the birds and the bees in school. Now tell me about the bulls and bears."

'Of course I'm happy to give you an estimate of our fees as long as you realise it will be nowhere nearhow much it will cost you.'

'Oh, the supply ship? For a second there I thought you said the stock market crashed.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Sure, I'll come on board for five-hundred times your average worker's wage, plus double that in stock options, and unlimited use of the corporate jet. Also free postage.'

'Resources dug deep, Hedge funds were trimmed and Chinese stocks were hungry for more in an otherwise slow day for Metaphors'

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

"They approve of 'greed' down here, so they let me take my portfolio with me."

'Your indestructible portfolio will go kablooey just before your indestructible marriage goes kablooey.'

'Investments in money funds increased this month on news it TAKES money to MAKE money.'

'Could you give me the name of your new investment manager?'

Economic crisis.

"Good news. Pork bellies just dropped four points."

"You are now $15,000 richer. I found the online password to your brokerage account 20 traders ago."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

The day the stock market went UP.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"What's a debenture?"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Soaring Profits

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.