Financial Whizz Gifts

"Having conducted a thorough analysis of the data it appears clear that profits will go either up, or down, unless of course they stay the same."

'I owe it all to my master who paper-trained me with the Wall Street Journal.'

"Well, Grandpa, I'd be just as happy if you put it all into musical bonds, and I could avoid all those endless tax burdens."

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"What's a debenture?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Dow Jones drop

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.