Financial Wiz Gifts

"Can you estimate how much money you'll need for your mid-life crisis?"

squeezed oranges...

Geezernomics - Crash of 1929.

Family opening wrapped-up IOU's - 'This Debt Crisis is a nightmare!'

'Sir, remember that 'we're finally out of the red' party that we threw last week?...It put us back in the RED.'

'He's a stock market 'buzzard'? -- what does that mean?', 'He eats the dead bulls and bears.'

'Looks like a contractor coming in expecting to get a big loan.'

'It's better to give than to receive - if you can deduct it!'

'Now, now doctor. This won't hurt a bit.'

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"What's a debenture?"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'