Finance Wizard Gifts

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'Before I make my decision, I'd like to see those meaningless statistics again.'

"Oh I dabbled in hedge funds, sub prime mortgages, derivatives, but it was all just TOO WEIRD!"

Private Contractor's Target Fee as charity thermometer

"This is Roscoe. He's in Accounts Receivable."

'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'

"...Thompson...there should be a Nobel Prize for accountancy."

Risk management

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Thank you for approving my loan application. Is this a good time to speak to you about loan modification?'

Patience

'We owe the sharp increase in our stock price to leveraging the Internet to create a global footprint. Of course, some creative accounting helped.'

'I've hit on a way to finance our start-up costs.'

'Because it's there.' (asking for a loan at huge vault)

'You will not have to submit a loan application after all. Your credit score has two digits.'

Emergency pump in case of deflated earnings.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'Keep a stiff upper lip, Mr. Haskins. That's all you get to keep.'

Insurance insurance.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'My mother sent down some chicken soup to see if that will help.'

Let's hope they don't notice we've moved the decimal point to the right.

"More bad news, Harold. Junior is bringing a malfeasance suit against us for investing his college fund in the stock market."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

Tax reform magically transforming the U.S. economy.

'Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax...' '..Not having to pay it.'

'Cheer up Mr. Harris, it's only until the bail out is in place.'

'There is some good news: while our fund lost millions, none of it was our own money.'

'You're safe through the second quarter, Mr. Dawkins. I've torqued the numbers.'

'We need two signatures and a Hail Mary for every check we write over $10,000.'

'I'd be more than happy to sell you this bike. However, I just don't think the bank will let you finance it for 300 months.'

'Have you figured out your seating plan yet?'