Finance Wizard Gifts

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'Before I make my decision, I'd like to see those meaningless statistics again.'

"Oh I dabbled in hedge funds, sub prime mortgages, derivatives, but it was all just TOO WEIRD!"

Private Contractor's Target Fee as charity thermometer

"This is Roscoe. He's in Accounts Receivable."

'How much is two plus two?' - 'How much do you want it to be?'

Risk management

'Relax. I've come for your high yield 30 year Treasury bonds. They're about to expire.'

"...Thompson...there should be a Nobel Prize for accountancy."

'Thank you for approving my loan application. Is this a good time to speak to you about loan modification?'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Patience

'I've hit on a way to finance our start-up costs.'

'We owe the sharp increase in our stock price to leveraging the Internet to create a global footprint. Of course, some creative accounting helped.'

'Because it's there.' (asking for a loan at huge vault)

'You will not have to submit a loan application after all. Your credit score has two digits.'

"More bad news, Harold. Junior is bringing a malfeasance suit against us for investing his college fund in the stock market."

'My mother sent down some chicken soup to see if that will help.'

Emergency pump in case of deflated earnings.

'Keep a stiff upper lip, Mr. Haskins. That's all you get to keep.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Insurance insurance.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

Let's hope they don't notice we've moved the decimal point to the right.

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

'It's similar to the government's system of checks and balances. I write the checks and you try to balance them.'

Stockbrokers - ...I want you to promise not to start crying.

'That's the way it is with debt, easy come, easy grow.'

'You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but if you're really good, you can dupe a generation of investors.'

Intertwined

'There is some good news: while our fund lost millions, none of it was our own money.'

Map to recovery.

'I'd be more than happy to sell you this bike. However, I just don't think the bank will let you finance it for 300 months.'