Finance Wizards Gifts

We can safely tell the Grand Jury your campaign money isn't soft, it's al dente.

'We've decided to become more thrifty and start a savings account, but we'd like to borrow against our credit cards in order to make the opening deposit.'

'I know it's not raining. A lot of my ex-clients have a tendency to spit at me.'

'All those years you struggled financially, I stood by you. It's my turn for a little piece of the pie.'

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

'Forget government intervention. Hire a snake charmer has truly worked wonders.'

IRS AUDIT DIVISION, 'Want to make it double or nothing?'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"What's a debenture?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Dow Jones drop

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Money exchange

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

Saving for College.

I want to make this company green the old fashion way...

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'