Finance Whizz Gifts

'Can't I just hold it for a minute?'

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

'Stocks dropped on the rumor of a government crackdown on wall street rumor mongers . . . '

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"What's a debenture?"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"You were right. Building an online business empire is even more fun than playing games."

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

Dow Jones drop

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'