Wall Street Wiz Gifts

"When I pass away, don't make the announcement until after the closing bell so as not to affect the stock market."

"I'm not saying I wasn't startled by the market's drop, but, remember, I was around in '87 for the real thing."

"I'm not sure exactly what Brund does on Wall Street, but it has to do with chasing the almighty buck."

The day the stock market went UP.

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"What's a debenture?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Soaring Profits

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Well, Frobisher, it's taken a millennium, but thanks to our initial public stock offering, we've finally turned lead into gold.'

Dow Jones drop

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

I want to make this company green the old fashion way...

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

"I hope you're not going to let this I.P.O. affect your grades."

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

Money exchange

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

"What comes after zillion?"

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"Let's see now. This one goes right here."

"Today stocks hit a new high, just as global doom and gloom hit a new low."

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

Business News.

'Wait a minute....!