Stock Market Guru Gifts

'The problem seems to be pointing in your direction, Ferguson.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"Up a hundred and sixteen points! If only we'd had the foresight to invest ten minutes ago."

Satire on Stock Market Speculation

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'Sell South Africa!'

"Now, where was I? Oh yeah - interest rates..."

'Good day on the market, huh?'

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

"They're 'old money'-- they made it all in tech stocks."

Financial crisis.

"We always look out for our stockholders!"

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

'I'm depressed Ms. Hartwig. Send in some optimistic economic data to cheer me up.'

'Yes, that's my short term investment that went wrong.'

"Do you have a pill for acute greed?"

Japanese economic policies advocated by Shinzo Abe.

City Bank: Don't put all your eggs in one basket, unless that basket is us!'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

'Hank, I'm taking you out of short-term bonds and putting you into forever stamps.'

'His shares are all that's sexy!'

Major Wall Street players.

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

''If it ain't broke, don't fix it', is not a good philosophy for one's portfolio.'

'Bond prices will start falling when interest rate's rise!'

A great investment today is the one you didn't make.

Still bullish if I get more credit cards.

"If I'm such a good stock picker, why do I have to work? That's none of your business."

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

'Yeah. It was a good day.'

"When you say you want to give back to the community, I hope you're referring our Wall Street community."

"I invested in Alibaba and other Chinese stocks, but then i felt greedy again in an hour."

"Could you step aside, please? I'm an investor."

"I'd like to return these - they're no good for insider dealing."