Investment Guru Gifts

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

"Now, where was I?"

"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

Investor walks tightrope graph balancing risk and reward.

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

Fortune - Lost a Fortune.

Rex and Rusty simply didn't understand that no matter how snappy their sales presentation was, it would always look like a dog and pony show.

'My problem is that I invested in liabilities that I thought were assets.'

'The downside of investing in this stock is it might go down. The upside is it might go up.'

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."

"It is unwise to have ones assets evenly divided among stocks, bonds and lottery tickets."

'I just got back from Wall Street.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

"I guess that's one strategy for dealing with recent market volatility."

A homeless man stands next to a sign that says 'Didn't diversify'."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'I am going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since Tuesday.'

Bottle of pills labelled 'Global Recovery Capsules,' with 'Warning: May cause inflation, deflation, nausea, panic attacks. Use caution when mixing with optimism, stocks, bonds.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'I'm going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since this afternoon.'

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

"Well yes, Simson. I suppose another way of putting it is 'buy low, sell high.'"

'Don't worry, he's out rounding up new investors as we speak.'

"Good news - remember all those growth stocks I sold you? They're now value stocks."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.