Finance Guru Gifts

"It's up to you now, Miller. The only thing that can save us is an accounting breakthrough."

A Day In The Kitchen

"Today on Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."

Growth vs Sustainability.

Help! Sold Derivatives when I didn't even know what they were.

'The price of a stock will fluctuate on these three factors...'

'Looks good. Let me run it past the number-crunchers.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'Do you have any 'Congratulations on your I.P.O.' cards?'

"Well, thanks anyway for sharing your financial plight with us."

'I have mostly conservative investments in my retirement portfolio, plus a few riskier, short-term performers tossed in as a hedge against inflation.'

'...and help my parents to pick the right investments for my college education.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

Inland Revenue VAT - "Mr Batson, the consequences are here."

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

"When he said 'money isn't everything' I knew we were in trouble."

'And this is where the magic happens.'

'The good news, Sir, is that Harris was able to sell off our losing stock. The bad news is that Simpson here, bought them from Harris.'

"Long-term, I like bonds; intermediate-term I like equities; and short-term, I like scotch."

Save! O% interest on your deposits.

'You're confused? We like that in a sucker...er...I mean, investor.'

'That's our hedge-fund manager ... he's regularly called upon to do the impossible.'

How inflation works. . .

"You two have done very well hunting and gathering...perhaps it's time for some investment planning?"

"Oh, him? He's the guy who changes the interest rate when it's set by the fed."

'You're a bond trader? Don't worry, there's a new drug to treat interest rate sensitivity.'

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"Well, according to the books, you've got too much overhead"

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

The Perfect Storm

'In a nutshell, if you can prove to me that you don't need a mortgage, I will give you one.'

Will Trade Derivatives for Real Money.

Couple Arguing at Brokers

'Yes, our finances look bad now, but just remember honey, we always land on our feet.'

'My only real regret in life was not knowing the difference between an asset purchase and a share purchase.'