Finance Gurus Gifts

'Apparently, just because we took out a mortgage, the bank now expects us to make some sort of monthly payment.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'This mattress fits up to $120,000 dollars.'

'I think I'd rather go back to being mugged!'

'If you call my allowance a grant, you claim it as a deduction on your income tax.'

The four accountants of the apocalypse.

'The outside accounting firm we hire is demanding to get paid in cash.'

'I take it your threat to leave unless you got a 30% pay increase didn't have the desired effect.'

Well, THAT doesn't sound good...

"Another hike in college tuition. This is killing my folks!"

"Workers have obligation to limit their economic demands to make the USA more competitive!"

IRS: 'Life isn't fair.' - John F. Kennedy

"There's more to life than winning. There's also declaring stock and business losses for tax purposes."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'