Investment Guru Pillows

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"Stocks can be risky, and you've got to be able to sleep at night. We'll set aside half your money for sleeping pills."

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

Thanks a Mil, Warren!

A two dollar stock sounds like a perfect investment...

Papa bear plays the stockmarket.

"Now, where was I?"

"Of all the markets, in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

Investor walks tightrope graph balancing risk and reward.

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

Fortune - Lost a Fortune.

Rex and Rusty simply didn't understand that no matter how snappy their sales presentation was, it would always look like a dog and pony show.

'My problem is that I invested in liabilities that I thought were assets.'

"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"

Ask About our Free Investment Advice: 'The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed investment advice for a fee.'

"We know stocks will go up but we don't know which ones or when."

'The downside of investing in this stock is it might go down. The upside is it might go up.'

"It is unwise to have ones assets evenly divided among stocks, bonds and lottery tickets."

'I just got back from Wall Street.'

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'Bob was eventually arrested and charged with outsider trading.'

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

"I guess that's one strategy for dealing with recent market volatility."

'I'm going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since this afternoon.'

Bottle of pills labelled 'Global Recovery Capsules,' with 'Warning: May cause inflation, deflation, nausea, panic attacks. Use caution when mixing with optimism, stocks, bonds.'

A homeless man stands next to a sign that says 'Didn't diversify'."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'I am going to recommend a stock that has consistently outperformed the market since Tuesday.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"Well yes, Simson. I suppose another way of putting it is 'buy low, sell high.'"

"Good news - remember all those growth stocks I sold you? They're now value stocks."

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

'Don't worry, he's out rounding up new investors as we speak.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.