Financial Guru Pillows

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

"But on the positive side, money can't buy happiness, so who cares?"

'Half of the numbers are accurate, that's why we're auditing the remaining 56%.'

'You talked about 'Fannie Mae' in your sleep again!'

"I'm looking to hire a C.F.O. Anyone interested?"

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Now, if we stick to our financial plan, I can retire at 55 and you at 87.'

Micro and Macro Department,

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'You need a better long-term strategy than winning powerball.'

'I have to admit ... the fist pumps are making me nervous.'

'I have good news and bad news. The problem is, I don't know which is which.'

"Well you can't upset me, Timpson- what's the bad news you've got?"

"No it doesn't stand for Vodka and Tonic."

'And now for the treasurer's report.'

'Have you thought about aging slower? Your 401(k) is in terrible shape.'

Corporate Leaders Gather In A Field Outside Darien, Connecticut, Where One Of Them Claims To Have Seen The Invisible Hand Of The Marketplace

'Whose idea was it that we give our investors full disclosure?'

Business of Finger-pointing

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

'Risky? Good lord no! We're going to make a fortune!'

'He's celebrating paying off his student loans.'

Home Business - Accounts.

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

"Careful burying all your bones. We get a cold snap and your assets are frozen!"

Blame the messenger.

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

'You're right. Someone has stolen our identity and is using our credit cards. But don't worry, they're spending less than we did.'

'I think I see the problem,,,'

'It was the best of investment times, it was the worst of investment times...' (A Tale of Two Markets).

'It says here, the world is heading for a cashless society. I always thought you and I were way ahead of our time!'

Office, "One day son all of this will be the receivers."

'Should you buy or lease your first wheel?'

"I'd like to open a joint account, preferably with someone very rich!"