Financial Gurus Pillows

'I'm saving up for a hedge.'

God has chose me to talk to you about superannuation

"The first thing we do is go and withdraw our 'rainy day' investment."

'I'm being denied access to the Warren Buffett within me.'

'Gifts are last year. This year it's moving money around to avoid tax.'

'I know you want financial certainty for your business. Here it is, your business is certain to fail.'

"Let's just say my grades entered correction territory."

IRS. April 15th is the deadlie for filing your return, not a "best if used by" date.

Bank Loan Applications. Before we begin, are you familiar with the president's idea that a bigger deficit will make us more fiscally responsible?

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

Money falling down a black hole

Attila The Bum.' Attila the Hun Made Bad Investments with his plunder.

'I knew I couldn't take it with me, but I forgot I needed enough to get there on.'

'Unlike me, seek financial peace first, before inner peace.'

'All I know is when it's the 'birds and bees' it's about sex; and when it's the 'bulls and bears' it's about money.'

'I exercise to stay healthy so I can keep working to pay for health insurance until I drop dead.'

"I wouldn't call myself rich. More like comfortably loaded."

"As it turns out, Al, your junk bonds were nothing but junk."

"I shudder to think where'd I be if I hadn't planned properly for retirement."

High Energy Accounts Only

Best of Greed - City Kennel Club.

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

Wife telling friend "I invested in some internet stocks" as husband sits in stocks

'We can tell him about Santa Claus now, but wait a couple of years before we tell him about the IRS.'

'Old money meet new credit card debt.'

National Debt: Deep, long lasting and sure to generate a lot of interest.

'As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me ?4000.'

I think I could explain it better to the girl in your TV commercial.

"Is the war on inflation over yet?"

"I find it hard to perform in these market conditions."

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

"Yes, you deposit is federally insured, but only up to six dollars. Now, how would you like that?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.