Investment Geek Pillows

'You're a bond trader? Don't worry, there's a new drug to treat interest rate sensitivity.'

'Stocks Rose on News that During National Election Campaigns, Hot Air Rises...'

"It looks like the bull market is over."

'Congratulate me: 300 facebook friends, and now 200 shares of facebook stock.'

'Our portfolio is not going anywhere. I'm going to add some transportation stocks to the mix to see if that will move our investments along.'

'Obey my commands, protect yourself at all times and think about investing your purse in tax-free annuities. Here's my card.'

'Charles! Help! Credit Default Swaps!'

"Squawk! Interest rates are going negative!"

"And now, if you don't want to know today's Dow Jones closing, look away from your set until the music stops."

We cater to the small investor.

'I must say, that was quite a tweak you came up with.'

'I don't mind having a husband who's a CFA, except when he starts figuring the internal rate of return of a mop.'

'The world will not end soon - so adjust your portfolios accordingly.'

'You've come to the right place. My speciality is investing alimony.'

'My husband has put his money into gold.'

'I didn't know the market had dropped that low!'

"What I've learned is we can buy energy and we can sell energy but we can't just keep energy."

"I see your point, but wouldn't it be more fun to spend it while I'm young enough to enjoy it?"

Commodities Exchange. Around here, unloading 50 tons of pork bellies is not a physically demanding task.

Investment Banking. This is a derivative of a derivative, and you know what they say about making copies of copies.

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The day the stock market went UP.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Jack of all trades

Profit

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!