Investment Buff Pillows

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

Little Investment on the Praire

'Honey! Great news! There's a new ETF!'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'How about rocks? Our firm considers rocks to be a very solid investment.'

America's funniest investment scams

'In corporate financial news, smoke up 12, mirrors down 14...'

"I've simplified my life by converting all my possessions into one gold brick."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"Could you step aside, please? I'm an investor."

"All those worthless junk bonds I got you into... I'm trying to convert them into supermarket coupons."

"The way J C Penny's stock is going it soon literally be a penny stock."

Piggy Banks: High Tech Funds, Health Care Funds, Real Estate Funds.

'I parked all my retirement money in a safe investment vehicle. It got towed.'

'Cantor here...the cantor balanced fund.'

Investments, stocks and bonds: 'I hang my lunch there, to keep it out of reach of the bears.'

'If you wanted to become rich, you shouldn't have become a doctor. You should have become an investment counselor.'

What do you think, should we let a little trickle down to the employees.

'I'm a bear in name only. My investment strategy is strictly bullish!'

'I just converted my life savings into silver.'

I'm taking you off looking at the Stock Market for two weeks.

'Hey, remember me? I was the broker who told you to sell everything when the stock market was down.'

'My baseball cards are worth $50,000 and your stocks are worth remembering.'

Pork belly contracts.

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

Ashton Kutcher's World

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The day the stock market went UP.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Profit

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks