Market Guru Gifts

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'The GOOD news is that we've identified our target market, the bad news is that his name is Kevin and he lives with his mother.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"We're working on a vaccine to make portfolios immune to economic downturns."

'I'm going to recommend the stock of an Internet company that is so far ahead of the curve, it's working on Web 10.0.'

'Edwin has started 'tebowing' after good days on the stock market.'

"Our City Analyst is forecasting inflation, is on the way back - and his fee proves it."

Greenspan said "Everything that goes up must come down."

Didn't know as much about the market as I thought I did.

We have tumultuous stocks for tumultuous times."

'My mom's a professional stock trader. Don't let the martini and cigar fool 'ya, she's all woman.'

Speculators

"Why are you mad at us? We made you a millionaire?"

"Now, as a general rule, it's unwise to have one's assets split evenly between stocks and lottery tickets."

"I only said it was going to 100 - I never said whether it was dollars or cents."

"He lost his head over an investment."

"I'm not asking anything for me but would you indicate whether you are bullish or bearish?"

Business is off the chart.

'Gentlemen the feeding frenzy is over.'

China's and Hong Kong's futures markets closed early today....

'Today the word on the street was 'Beam me up Scotty'.'

'I didn't know the market had dropped that low!'

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Our company's philosophy is thus. Our idealists develop ideas. Internal realists then turn these ideas into products. Finally, external realists devise pretexts for consumers to buy these products.'

"The bull market has peaked! The bull market has peaked!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'