Market Analyst Guru Gifts

National Academy of Short Selling.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Invest in technology."

The Shrinking Dollar.

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Well, dad, as a medical student I've got to read specialized literature!'

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Business is off the chart.

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'