Market Analyst Gifts

Had volumes of data at my fingertips and still didn't see this one coming.

"Analysts blamed the market's volatility on computer-directed trading while computers blamed it on analyst-directed trading."

Three steps to turn around the economy.

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

Temporarily closed to rethink our concept.

'Gentlemen, our social media strategy is simple: the more time our marketeers spend on Twitter, the less harm they can do elsewhere.'

How was your confusion experience?

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

Despite recent uncertainty, analysts said today they will continue to make predictions.

Rabbit Meeting Shows Hopping Profits

'Seven 'provided', thirteen 'buts' and twenty seven 'ifs' - this is the best stockmarket forecast to clients I've ever read.'

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

"Gentleman, we have a dilemma. Pollution scientists say it'll destroy the ozone - however, Market Research predict it'll sell like hot cakes."

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"So to summarise our qualitative study results... your product is like a 'rainbow of French squirrels followed by a small popping noise'."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

Market Analyst with Graphs Labelled: 'Optimism, Pessimism, and Reality.'

"This merger is to give us a better grip on our respective markets."

"And, if our projections are correct, trend A should collide with trend B, and both will vanish without a trace."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

The stock market sky is falling.

'We manufacture micro computing devices. We're looking to hire a director of research that can anticipate the next small thing.'

"I thought he was a genius, but now I find out that he was self-proclaimed."

Market analyst at the Circus

'We had to think globally since the American consumer was finally on to us.'

Buyers' Market - 'I'll give you 20pence for those' Lady pointing at veg costing ?3.50

'You need a marketing strategy!'

"I see you're still fishing for that key piece of data."

"The economic modeling of our economic modeling suggests we need to remodel."

Globalisation, man with a head is 'Before man with a globe for a head is 'After'

Euro Balloon: Please watch out for other currencies on your way down!

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?