Marketing Guru Gifts

"I'm just concerned that we're forgetting the true meaning of Cyber Monday."

'I don't know Joe, maybe we;re using the wrong kind of glass?'

You've got to hand it to George..he NEVER lets a sale go without a fight.

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

"Oh, just give me a pack of whatever the guys in marketing are targeting for jerks like me."

'Most of our customer retention is through inertia.'

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Look on the bright side, any direct marketing campaign we run will be 100% sucessful!"

The internet providing marketing, research, and data collection.

'We cater to city folk.'

'My fan focus groups indicate that I should show more of my legs.'

'I tell you, the gas shortage story in the seventies was good, but this greenhouse think is pure genius!'

'Alright big guy, almost done.'

Target your customer.

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

50% Hype

Advertising ISA's

STRIP *Shelf Life * The right black?

Advertising .01

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'Smooth Mustard' and 'Coarse mustard'

'Those banner ads don't work.'

'Start barking and stop handing out business cards.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

Target Audience

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Sales research shows it's too big for them to carry it home."

Greetings, stupid people! Buy this!

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

"Don't think of them just as customers, but rather as an infinitely mineable and marketable source of valuable data!"

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

If Einstein had hired a marketing consultant...

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'