Advertising Guru Gifts

'Lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits...'

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

Goals, yes, but don't forget bats, balls and sneakers.

If he says 'got milk,' I'm gonna bite.

"With critical thinking and mathematics being so out of fashion, our net profits will double."

"Marketing is child's play."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

'So apart from our tampon campaign being entirely targeted at men, you have no other comments?'

I can train you.

'I've booked the TV adverts and the magazine space.' - 'And you said you would mention it to your wife.'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Let's focus on what's important!

I advertised in What Cow!

Fairy Tales get Product Placement

"He used to be in advertising"

"Do you need me to write in big letters for you?"

"So what do you think of my marketing plan?"

"It's a bargain, sir! Could be he biggest of the year!"

"Great DVD extras!"

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'How fast can you hype?'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

Target your customer.

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"