Branding Guru Gifts

Shellfish seller changes sales pitch.

'I guess it's true that it's all about re-branding in this economy...'

Graphic Design School: No logo - Please help.

Marketing in the Anthropocene Era: "Hey, it's basically just another branding challenge. How do we make the looming possibility of human extinction sexy?"

Alphabet Soup: Now in a bold new font.

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

"Hey! This soda is frozen solid!"

"To save the world, write good talking points."

"Of course, the addition of a smiley underline to our logo, will vastly improve sales."

"Once an ad man, always an ad man."

Media Darling.

'Something that'll get me googled,'

'Ok, I came up with a new name for my invention. Now it's called the cyclone cylinder!'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

Your ad here!

Rudy, get in my office. I have to talk to you. You're firing me? No. This is serious. Firing me is not serious? I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was unprofitable. I was branded! Being branded is scary. Hug me. Much scarier.

Twitter X

New motto suggestions

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'How fast can you hype?'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

The MBA Draft

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

Career opportunities

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"Uh-Oh..."

Target your customer.

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."