Ad Campaign Guru Gifts

"Our old advertising is passé, Filby. We need a new wrinkle."

"Good boy."

'How fast can you hype?'

'If only every year was an election year.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Target your customer.

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

The following is a paid political announcement.

A close shave on the Titanic...

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

Your ad here!

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

Advertising on the internet.

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

Debating Society. I can accept that money is speech as long as we can agree that some spending is like yelling fire in a theater.

Home Business - Newspaper Ad.

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

As Seen Watching TV

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"With great power comes great reward."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."