Ad Guru Gifts

Advertising Agency - "What we need is a catchy slogan, something to hide the facts."

'It's new and improved because we now have better advertising.'

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"Yes! Our product placement in front of their product placement."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'How fast can you hype?'

'Here's MY information highway!'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Target your customer.

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

I've always been slower than computers...

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

A close shave on the Titanic...

Your ad here!

'I was headhunted.'

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Home Business - Newspaper Ad.

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."