Creative Marketing Guru Gifts

"Remember, you're selling home appliances, so look more ... dishwashery."

'How fast can you hype?'

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Target your customer.

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

' A new idea '

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Sales are up 38% since the name change."

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

A close shave on the Titanic...

Your ad here!

The Doorway to Ideas

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'With our marketing budget so limited our best chance is to make commercials that are SO bad that they'll go viral.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."