Marketing Strategy Guru Gifts

"We can't say 'new and improved' until we come up with a product."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

Target your customer.

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

"Not bad, considering no one knows exactly what we produce or sell here."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

Multimedia-Conglomerate-Tasking

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"Leadership ISN'T just about trying to be BETTER than everyone else!"