Marketing Strategy Guru Gifts

"We can't say 'new and improved' until we come up with a product."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

Target your customer.

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"Not bad, considering no one knows exactly what we produce or sell here."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

"Leadership ISN'T just about trying to be BETTER than everyone else!"

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."