Sales Guru Gifts

'Can't you see I'm busy?' - Machine Gun salesman rejected during battle.

'The way I see it, we only have two choices, we either improve the quality of our product or we hire some really great sales people.'

'You should know I like sales presentations the way I like my soft boiled eggs: three minutes and you're done.'

"If we increase the price by fifteen per cent we'll be able to give bigger discounts."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

I think the reason our international unit is performing poorly is because our mission statement says, 'Think locally and act locally'.'

"Now remember, you can fool some of the people all of the time. Those are the ones you need to concentrate on."

I'm calling upstairs for the latest figures.

"I told you this would work! Look! It's a whole new customer base!"

"Yes, we do have an incentive scheme - fall below that line and you're sacked."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"By subscribing to one or more of these magazines, sir, you'll be helping me to achieve my goal of world domination."

'I hear you're a very effective salesman!'

"Instead of a fire sale, why don't we just have a fire?"

'We like anxiety in a sales rep, but Bob's taking it a little far.'

'...sales up 60%...complaints down 100% ,sir'.

"Now the first thing you have to do is get a client's attention."

"Good news! I heard that the sales department had to requisition a stepladder."

'I found our eight year old sales goals, and we're almost there.'

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

My best sale yet - He only came in for a new set of spark plugs.. and I sold him a new car.

"WELL if you INSIST on simplifying things I suppose just saying 'sell more stuff' MIGHT help out bottom line."

"This month it's been lack of business as usual."

"Nice work! Combining artificial intelligence and voice capabilities, we finally we have a product that can actually sell itself."

The Earthquake Quarter

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"...And it has a pheromone which will make him submissive to you."

"I showed our new sales strategy to the boss...he didn't buy it."

"I'm a pragmatist, Leon. Before I put a new product on the market, I ask myself, 'Will it sell?' "

"Your orders are burning up the system. I love it!"

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

'Boss, I know how to change small customers into really big ones!'

I think you'd make a persuasive salesman.

"Never buy from a rich salesman."

'My son, the telemarketer...'