Service Guru Gifts

"Things might run smoother, Johnson, if you take the 'cuss' out of customer."

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

Here and There Trays

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

'My electric car is giving me static!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"My best managerial trait is that I dig for answers until I get them between my teeth. My worst trait is that sometimes I bury them."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"I see you've security marked your property."

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

Office worker pushing a pile of papers on trolley.

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

Whack-a-mole CEO.

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."