Business Guru Gifts

'Meet Mummy's new husband. We hope to realize a number of economies through this merger and ask for your patience during the transition period.'

'J.B., there's not enough ROI on the IPO, YTD.'

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

'Did I say 'merger'? I meant 'acquisition'.'

'Then again, if you're not very smart, it's OK to just work harder.'

"It's too easy to lose a business card. A rubber stamp, you'll remember."

"On the one hand, eliminating the middleman would result in lower costs, increased sales, and greater consumer satisfaction; on the other hand, we're the middleman."

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Our short term solution is money. Our long term solution is more money.'

'Here's your lemonade and here's some descriptive literature about my franchising opportunities.'

'It's a simple model but it works for me!'

'Come in, come in, we;re eager to hear your market predictions!'

'We feel that being one step ahead of the competition is no longer an adequate buffer zone.'

'How can you say I'm not a forceful communicator? At least three times a day someone leaves my office in tears.'

"Would you please elaborate on 'the something bad happened'?"

'...your hindsight on this project was far more accurate than his foresight.'

"We're recommending a risky strategy for your company, so I'd appreciate if you paid before you leave."

'Decision making would be so much easier if it weren't for the consequences.'

"It's going to require a great deal of money."

Early Business Planning

-"My new business is a total flop!" -"Remember what I told you..Do research!"

"If I seem excited, Mr. Bolling, it's only because I know that I can make you a very rich man."

'I've moved from being cautiously optimistic to being optimistically cautious.'

'Please send us an optimist to run the sales department, and a pessimist to run the credit department.'

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

"Just sign here - yes, in blood."

Business executive on phone: 'Oh!...Your people are my people? Well, that should make things a lot simpler.'

'Make sure that those 'Ideas whose time has come', get launched today.'

'We're going to be experiencing some pain today. We're removing the band-aid we put on the problem.'

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"If your idea is so innovative and unique, why aren't out competitors doing it?"

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

"Well, if nobody can remember what the company's mandatory retirement age is, I'll carry on."

'Actually, I've found 90% of success isn't showing up, it's shutting up.'