Money Guru Gifts

"I didn't say I was a Taoist. I said dowist."

'Invest in oil futures.'

Paper trail.

"Pay no attention. Maureen's showing off her personal financial advisor."

Man has a bad dream about finances.

'Prices aren't rising as fast now as in the past... They'll just hit new highs... slowly!'

Financial Advisor.

I'd offer you a tissue Mrs Perkins, but they're 75p each

'Are things really that bad?'

'Look at it this way. Our interest rates are competitive to letting your money rot.'

'Did you remember my fiscal stimulus?'

"Thank goodness I invested in long term bonds!"

The blue-collar diner for white-collar people...

Free Stock Tips

"Before we start I'll need your net worth."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."