Stock Market Sleuth Gifts

'And here's Ted with his, always accurate, post-market predictions.'

"It is unwise to have ones assets evenly divided among stocks, bonds and lottery tickets."

'Ms. Jones, bring me everything we have on reading between the lines of an IPO filing.'

'All right, I got a pencil. Now, how do you figure the P/E ratio again?'

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'Today, emerging market funds rose on news the American dream is alive and well in Thailand, Singapore, China. . .'

'For Christmas, I'd like a nice 'Santa Claus Rally'.'

'Just between you and me, we were counting on a big stock market rally, so Wallstreet could bail out the government.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Mr.Bigmeister knows many things, but the Securities and Exchange Commission knows one big thing.'

"Oh, nothing, just a raven and a vulture riding on the back of a black swan. Can you get my stockbroker on the phone?"

"What happens on Wall Street, stays on Wall Street."

'Today, in the stock market, 'irrational exuberance' was up, 'caution' was down.'

Insider Information.

"Post traumatic 'Below cost basis' syndrome - it's a common affliction of investors."

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

The United States' economy deflating.

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

My 401k is now officially a 200.5F.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'So that's why your stock sells at 36,000 times earnings.'

'Eureka! I found the cure for a down stock market!'

'Psst... Tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

'Just between you and me, we were counting on a big stock market rally, so Wall Street could bail out the government.'

The Economy.

'Why don't you just screen for stocks that will go up?'

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

...Shares can go up as well as down.

Dog gets financial advice.

'I used to be an investor...now I'm a stock market philanthropist.'

'Unfortunately it has a short expiration date.'

'I invested in waste management companies, but it didn't make me filthy-rich.'

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

'If I sell a stock and it tumbles, will I be charged with a crime like Martha Stewart?'