Stock Market Sleuth T-Shirts

'And here's Ted with his, always accurate, post-market predictions.'

"It is unwise to have ones assets evenly divided among stocks, bonds and lottery tickets."

'Ms. Jones, bring me everything we have on reading between the lines of an IPO filing.'

'All right, I got a pencil. Now, how do you figure the P/E ratio again?'

'Today, emerging market funds rose on news the American dream is alive and well in Thailand, Singapore, China. . .'

'For Christmas, I'd like a nice 'Santa Claus Rally'.'

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'Just between you and me, we were counting on a big stock market rally, so Wallstreet could bail out the government.'

"Oh, nothing, just a raven and a vulture riding on the back of a black swan. Can you get my stockbroker on the phone?"

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Mr.Bigmeister knows many things, but the Securities and Exchange Commission knows one big thing.'

"What happens on Wall Street, stays on Wall Street."

'Today, in the stock market, 'irrational exuberance' was up, 'caution' was down.'

The United States' economy deflating.

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

Insider Information.

"Post traumatic 'Below cost basis' syndrome - it's a common affliction of investors."

My 401k is now officially a 200.5F.

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

'Just between you and me, we were counting on a big stock market rally, so Wall Street could bail out the government.'

'I invested in waste management companies, but it didn't make me filthy-rich.'

'Psst... Tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

The Economy.

'Why don't you just screen for stocks that will go up?'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

Follow stock trades of the rich & famous on Twitter.

'Today on wall street, a rumor led to a rumor which raised fears of insider rumor-mongering.'

'Eureka! I found the cure for a down stock market!'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

'So that's why your stock sells at 36,000 times earnings.'

'I used to be an investor...now I'm a stock market philanthropist.'

...Shares can go up as well as down.

'If I sell a stock and it tumbles, will I be charged with a crime like Martha Stewart?'

'Unfortunately it has a short expiration date.'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."