Stock Market Detective Gifts

'Unfortunately, this, here, is still a mystery.'

"Today share prices fell sharply on the fear that share prices may fall sharply."

'We're picking up a strong emission from the third planet from the sun - something called the Dow Jones Average.'

'Stocks edged higher on the news Greenspan said investors are 'irrationally gloomy'.'

Insider knowledge weight heavily on his mind.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'You know the economy's in trouble when the Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans only has 350 names on it.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Crisis'

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

'If nobody has any money, where did it all go?'

Portfolio, 2011

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

IRS Audit Section

City Redundancies - In? Out?

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."