Dividend Detective Gifts

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

Flat tax - equal burden?

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'Crisis'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

IRS Audit Section

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

The United States' economy deflating.

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

"'Statistics will prove anything' is right, Carruthers. They prove you screwed up."

'Whose idea was it to use enron as a benchmark?'

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

"Well, we know it's WAY down there, but it may be beyond the range of our equipment."

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

Have you seen my money?

"How can our Russian affiliate be losing money? I thought that country was out of the red."

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

Financial Corruption