Stock Market Aficionado Gifts

'Did you say 'buy-buy' or 'bye-bye'?'

"I guess that's one strategy for dealing with recent market volatility."

'The basic laws of supply and demand can be affected by the input of this variable.'

'No, Ms Dolan, a 'fixed income' fund does not mean the market is rigged.'

"That guy is incredible! He's coaxed the fish to invest 20,000 bucks...in catfood stocks!"

'You're doing a little better since we deworsified your portfolio.'

'Don't blame me, turkey - I've never been near Wall Street.'

'Don't get worked up - that's one you didn't bail out.'

'Mr. Harlow, I'm sorry to report your stock split and no one can find it.'

'Of course the biggest difference between investing in wines, as opposed to stocks is the way in which they crash.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

'No, son, this is a theater, not the stock exchange.'

'We offer support groups for 'down', 'up' and 'stagnant' portfolios.'

'We came here because there are no stocks on our plant worth buying.'

'My portfolio is doing great, except that the bug repellent stocks are killing me!'

'Oil stocks rose on news that some people actually are still buying muscle cars.'

"We're going public with our stock AND your philandering."

Financial Prudence disappears.

The day the stock market went UP.

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell!'

Plummeting Stock Markets

Small investors Broker

"You want me to recommend that stock? It's done more reverse splits than the Rockettes."

"My whole goddam MacArthur is in Nasdaq."

Investment bible...I'll wait for the video.

'I'm not the raging bull I used to be, since I got wiped out.'

Graph line and skyline

'If I were your broker, I'd tell you to sell.'

'Stock tip du jour: $1.00'

'And you wanted to hibernate!'

"You know your problem, Monte? There's more to life than always checking how your stocks are doing."

Dog investments.

'I was bullish. Then I was bearish. Now I'm sheepish.'