Wall Street Aficionado Gifts

Bull Riding on the Stock Market

Wall Street bull

"Remember, Ashwell, discretion is the better part of insider information."

'Of Coure it's a buy! This company is now the largest complier with Sarbanes-Oxley.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

"Intraday I was really drunk."

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

"The secret to shorting is to be the shorter, not the shorted."

'Hon, have you had a chance to look at our investment account statement?'

'Do you work for Rupert Murdoch, too?'

'When to sell a stock? My rule has been to do it when I'm ready to skip the country with my client's assets.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

Customer to broker: 'Before I invest with you, I have to check your credibility ... how many ulcers have you had?'

"It's agreed then. We'll merge our company's hilariously overvalued stock portfolio with your labyrinth of quasi-legal shell corporations, toss a bone to the stockholders, give ourselves ENORMOUS bonuses, and worry later about how to make it all work!"

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

A child runs an equity stand.

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'